Anne says, "No. Not like that, like this..." She gave me enough frame to work with so I could improve my query - hook, line and...
Dear Literary Agent
My novel NEAR EDGWARE is a YA paranormal romance complete in 72,200 words.
Sixteen-year-old, Jess Trainer, has a lot in common with her classmate Caleb Ridgway: the athletic skills, unusual senses and the feeling of being something different - a little apart from their peers. If only her parents had told Jess their family secrets she might have understood why she is attracted to the boy who will not allow anyone to get to know the real him.
Jess does not understand why Caleb fights to keep his distance when their classes, common interests and an almost magnetic attraction keep pulling them together. His resistance crumbles and he trusts Jess with his heart. When his lingering scent puts Jess in danger, Caleb rescues her and his secret is revealed. Can Jess still love him when she knows he was born Were?
Jess becomes the Pack's protector when they are attacked. She risks her life, and humanity, to reach a traumatised Caleb, and guide him back to her love.
This book can stand alone but has series potential.
It is more specific and precise but what can I tell, I wrote the last twenty-two!
Thanks to Anne and Keren, what was long is now much shorter.
Donna - we are agreed - this is the Query - without the writer's biographical details
Please feel free to add your thoughts, I'm finding it incredibly helpful.